I can do it!

The feeling of sadness was all around me. Just came back from a best friend's father funeral. There were so many things happened within these few days. I have to accept all these as truth and they will not change anymore. I miss my dad so much when I was in the funeral. I flashed back the time when my dad’s funeral. I was still young, I was just following what the adults said and do whatever they asked me to do. I am the eldest daughter in my family. I have to take over the entire job that my brother has to do because he was still an 8 year old boy who did not know anything. Now, he is already a 17 years old boy. Everything changes. Life is really impermanent. This minute, you might see the flowers blooming, yet the next minute they might be dead.
I was having a short conversation with Sis.Ooi and Joo Huat yesterday night. We were discussing on the topic of coupling. For normal case, in second year of university life, one should have found their partner. Yet, I am not. I am single. I said being single is better. However, deep in my heart, this is an ambiguous case. Sometime, i would like to have a shoulder which could let me rest when i am tired. Yet, when it comes to me to have one or more shoulders to choose, i have chosen the wrong one which lead me to suffering and heart breaking. I am glad that I am single now. Instead, luckily we did not meet at last. Though I am kinda of hard to let go, I have letting it go slowly..I need some time...

I will feel jealous when I see my friends become couple one by one. Yet, i feel glad when i see my friend break up with their couple where i need not face the sadness. Now i feel it.It is like a knife cutting your heart. Tears is the blood from your heart that rolling down automatically, and non-stop. I was trying to ask myself whether it is my fault or what. I have tried my best to change myself, to change my attitude which is demanding and childish to suit him so that I can maintain the relationship. However, I failed…totally failed. How many tones of tears could not make it success as well? I have to let go. it’s time to let go. being single is good also. Less to worry and less thing to think of. i am glad now. I chose the right way again. back to single…
Life gona continue. I have to be strong and even stronger than before. I have no energy for anything like this. I have to put all my energy and effort into my college activity, my academic and also PBUM. Kai Chur gambateh!! Siew Ling, Gambateh too ya!!!^^