I can do it!

The feeling of sadness was all around me. Just came back from a best friend's father funeral. There were so many things happened within these few days. I have to accept all these as truth and they will not change anymore. I miss my dad so much when I was in the funeral. I flashed back the time when my dad’s funeral. I was still young, I was just following what the adults said and do whatever they asked me to do. I am the eldest daughter in my family. I have to take over the entire job that my brother has to do because he was still an 8 year old boy who did not know anything. Now, he is already a 17 years old boy. Everything changes. Life is really impermanent. This minute, you might see the flowers blooming, yet the next minute they might be dead.
I was having a short conversation with Sis.Ooi and Joo Huat yesterday night. We were discussing on the topic of coupling. For normal case, in second year of university life, one should have found their partner. Yet, I am not. I am single. I said being single is better. However, deep in my heart, this is an ambiguous case. Sometime, i would like to have a shoulder which could let me rest when i am tired. Yet, when it comes to me to have one or more shoulders to choose, i have chosen the wrong one which lead me to suffering and heart breaking. I am glad that I am single now. Instead, luckily we did not meet at last. Though I am kinda of hard to let go, I have letting it go slowly..I need some time...

I will feel jealous when I see my friends become couple one by one. Yet, i feel glad when i see my friend break up with their couple where i need not face the sadness. Now i feel it.It is like a knife cutting your heart. Tears is the blood from your heart that rolling down automatically, and non-stop. I was trying to ask myself whether it is my fault or what. I have tried my best to change myself, to change my attitude which is demanding and childish to suit him so that I can maintain the relationship. However, I failed…totally failed. How many tones of tears could not make it success as well? I have to let go. it’s time to let go. being single is good also. Less to worry and less thing to think of. i am glad now. I chose the right way again. back to single…
Life gona continue. I have to be strong and even stronger than before. I have no energy for anything like this. I have to put all my energy and effort into my college activity, my academic and also PBUM. Kai Chur gambateh!! Siew Ling, Gambateh too ya!!!^^

Why??

WHY?? can you tell me why??? Even though I have changed myself to make this a success, yet you said I changed to suit you is not the original me. I have tried my very best to maintain it..Why can't i make it? heart broken...WHY is it so?

I don't want to think of it anymore, yet it is haunted me day and night...
I don't want to cry, yet i am crying once I see the sky
I don't want sadness, yet it comes towards me...
I have to grow up, concentrate on my study and make my study my priority now.
I have to wake up and walk further towards my future
I have to stop thinking of the bastard, and go for the good
I have to grow stronger to fight against sadness
I have to take away the hatred and love myself more...
I have to...
I can do it...

我可以吗？

不要孩子气，我可以吗？我开始想，从何时开始，我变得如此孩子气？从前的我，不是这样的。没人说我孩子气，没人说我太小孩，是何时开始？我自己也没察觉。谢谢你告诉我。我会尽量的改过。 很想哭，但没哭。还是要坚强。。。我是坚强的，不是吗？我是在掩饰我内心的懦弱，我是吗？我很像剖开自己，看清自己，到底我是怎样的一个人。会觉得我很假，明明是懦弱，还要装坚强。是环境让我成为现在的我吗？是因为单亲，所以塑造出一幅自信的样子，不让别人欺负我？？？我到底可以找到我吗？
师父说，我是一个染浊体，执着我，就不能无我。要无我，谈何容易？如何才能不执着我？

Da Vinci - The Genius Exhibition 2009, Malaysia

Da Vinci - The Genius has come to Malaysia! There are 188 exhibits in National Science Centre, Bukit Kiara from Oct 1, 2009 until January 17, 2101. I've always wanted to see the paintings (esp the Last Supper) and i can't believe they're here!

"Direct from Italy, this world acclaimed exhibition from the II Genio de Leonardo da Vinci Museo brings to life Leonardo's genius as an inventor, artist, scientist, anatomist, engineer and architect. Over the past decade, a cadre of Italian artisans has been translating an old Florentine dialect and deciphering Da Vinci's shorthand to being his ideas to life."

Wait no more. Log on to http://www.davincithegenius.com.my for more information and IF YOU WANT FREE TICKETS, GO HERE =D